Saturday, January 28, 2012

Living happy. Insert smiley face ... :)

So winter is here...kinda.  We have snow, then rain, then snow, then rain...then fog.  It's just really weird weather lately.  But enough about the weather because who really cares right?  If you are still reading my Pursuit, you are more interested in where Life has taken me these past months in Remission.  Well, it has kept me busy!  Here's some updates on the Life of Laura....still in Remission!

Well, my health has taken on an all too familiar road.  Just as I was getting settled into this body of healthy cells, my body decided it missed the MRI machines. :) I went to my 6 month neurologist appointment last Wednesday and brought to her attention some new symptoms that I have been experiencing lately.  My back is still sore in the same spot it has been for the last 5 years - no new news there, but since the beginning of this year I have been experiencing pressure in my head when I bend over.  This is not the usual lightheadedness from getting up too fast, this is intense throbbing - see the stars kinda episodes - where I have to give myself a minute so get over the 'hot flash' and get the blood flowing again to the brain.  I'm not sure what, if anything is causing this, or if this is once again my 'new normal'.  I don't know if it's the syrinx in the spinal cord interrupting the spinal fluid, the ospteophyte complex and stenosis in the neck getting worse, something from my prior surgery with Chiari or something that we don't even know about yet.  However, because it's me and nothings normal when it comes to my body ;), the doctor wants me to get 3 MRI's ( the brain, cervical, and thoracic spine) on Tuesday and then go back down to OSU Medical Center on February 8 to go over the results.  Then on February 13, I have a CT scan to check on the cancer and then see Dr. Powell at CancerCare the week after that to go over those results.  February will be busy for sure!  But I love everything that is keeping me busy these days (work, college, going to the gym, playing the piano, going to bible study, being a mom to Cooper and Kota) - it gives my life purpose :) But I'm once again thinking about my health...and that has pushed it's way to the top of my list of things that I just can't get out of my head.  So once again I go to God.

Some people might look at my life and find reason to be angry with God.  I know that the thought has crossed my mind a time or two.  But I'm not angry with God, if anything He has answered my request to expand my boundaries. I have found no reason to be upset with God in my life because as a human, I in no way have ever deserved to be 'happy'.  My happiness has come because of the grace and mercy that God has shown me in this life.  To answer the prayers of my heart- the ones that He and I both know- shows me that God has not left my side, He has been walking with me and has constantly taken the load when it can not get any heavier.  I put my trust in Him, and if I keep my connection with Him strong, I will understand the path that He has laid out for my life.  So in the mean time of not understanding why things happen on MY, eh, like having a baby...I prayed for peace and have come to the understanding that something else must be stirring up inside before a 'little one' comes along.  But in the mean time, I'm continually building my relationship with my husband so we can be the best parents possible and appreciating the independence I have right now to do the things that make me happy (although I know that once I have a baby I'll be the most happy because, by God's grace, I will by far have my greatest earthly blessing!)

But for now, as I have this independence, what is it that makes me happy you might ask? Well, the great part about this chapter in my Life is that I know what makes me happy. :)  I have never been the athletic one in the family, I'm not the comedian, or the peace maker.  But I do know that I was born with creativity and drive.  God designed me and what a master plan he had!  I love music, I love art, and I love drama.  I didn't realize how much it was a part of me and my design until I was sitting in the Civic Center listening to STOMP with a smile on almost the whole show and my feet moving the whole time, while people around me were sitting still.  I also realized this when I was slightly disappointed at the Mannheim Steamroller concert when I couldn't pick out all the instruments in the songs because of the interrupting synthesizer...weird I know, and I may have lost you, but I love to listen to music and pick out all the instruments.  And then again when we saw a broadway production in New York City and I felt like I was home.  Like I would have no problem singing up there on stage!  I took 3 years of art in high school, was in musicals, plays at church, majorette in the marching band getting teary eyed when I heard the drum cadences at pregame, and have sang since my debut with my sister for my great grandpa Pete of Jem and the Holograms in our living room when I was 4. :)  I'm no Aretha Franklin, but boy do I love to sing!  I love the fine arts and I know now it was something I was born with, not something I acquired, because I can feel it inside.  The arts make me happy and relaxed, so I'm thrilled to be playing piano again, getting my paint brushes out, and singing to Andrew (oh yes, he gets a show...and my brother in law will too soon...The Voice is on in a week and my sis and I will definitely be singing! :)  I am finding accomplishment in this chapter of my life and it makes me feel so good.  So as my road may get a little bumpy again with figuring out this new medical stuff, and figuring out Life in general, I'm content because I know what makes me happy...Living the life that only I was meant to live.