Hey all!
This past week I started physical therapy, FINALLY! After I went to the neurologist, I wanted to wait until after most of my ETR/IEPs were done because I wasn't sure how my body would react to the therapy and wanted to make sure I had the energy to complete these long reports. So I went on Tuesday to my consult appointment at the Lima Memorial Wellness Center. I've done everything through St.Rita's Medical Center for my cancer, but when I had therapy on my knee at the wellness center, I really liked the equipment and pool. So at my consult appointment on Tuesday, my physical therapist seemed really knowledgeable. After I gave her my medical history, she said 'You're a complicated case aren't you?' Like I haven't heard THAT before! There were 4 different kind of therapies my neurologist advised, and the PT let me know that she didn't want to use one because it increases blood flow and could cause the cancer to come back...glad she was knowledgeable! She then wanted to refer me to her colleague because of the syrinx (At this point, I'm tired of being referred to someone else. Since the beginning of this in March, the radiologist referred me to my cancer doctor, who referred me to my family doctor, who referred me to my neurologist (who's also consulting with a neurosurgeon), who referred me to a physical therapist, who then referred me to her colleague who specializes in micro-something therapy, they are afraid to touch/hurt me because of the syrinx I think. Which is good I guess...but I'm kinda ready for someone to just take the plunge and fix me!
So I went back on Thursday prepared for a therapy session, but we just talked more and tried to figure out a plan of attack. We decided that for now, we will only do the aqua therapy and stretches that only I do without them touching me. We will try this for a few weeks, evaluate my pain, and then try other therapies that involve heat/cold, ultrasound, and message therapy. So early on Friday (I have therapy 2 times a week at 7 am....yawn...) I started in the pool. I actually enjoy the therapy, I love my baths because it relaxes those muscles, and the pool is 90 degrees, so it feels really good as I do the therapy. Then I moved on with the other PT and did stretches for my back. I went back to work having all this done and I was sore...then had a headache the rest of the day. Today, I'm not too sore, and really don't have relief yet from the pressure on my back. But we will keep this up for a few weeks and hopefully I will start feeling better.
On a brighter note, in just 2 more weeks I have my CT scan to see if the cancer is still gone! If it is I will hear remission! They best part is I meet with my oncologist on June 9 to go over the results and hear that golden word, and the next day is the Relay for Life event! What a way to celebrate (hopefully!)!!! Please come and celebrate with me!
Meanwhile in my life that doesn't involve doctors, I have been so happy to see the sun and 80 degree weather! We opened up the pool, went to a mother daughter banquet with all the girls in my family, and celebrated mothers day in Ft.Wayne with Andrew's mom and bro/sis. Then went to the lake and took the boat out for the first time this season...it was THE BEST! But I really learned something on Mother's Day. Unlike any other Mother's Day, my heart felt empty. We went to church on Mother's day, and the sermon was about Mothers...especially Hannah in the bible. I was teary eyed as we read her story. But I learned a lesson from Hannah (1 Samuel 1-2) about commitment and faith- her story in the bible is remarkable to me.
She was married to a man with two wives, one wife could have children, but Hannah could not (the Lord had closed her womb) and she was mocked and called a failure. The thought of having a child consumed her life, but instead of letting her bitterness drive her away from God, her desperation led her to rise above her circumstances, take courage and pray strongly for a child. She prayed and vowed to give the child back to God if He blessed her with her own child. God remembered her and she had a child, Samuel (who later became a great prophet in Israel). Hannah praised God and remembered her promise...she gave her son back to God when he was three. Hannah is such an example for me. In our bitterness and anguish in life and its circumstances thrown our way, we should take it all -all the tears-and take it to God in prayer, because prayer is our direct line to Him. We can cry and be bitter about the crap life throws at us all we want, but I choose now to go to God in prayer first because God is the only one who can truly satisfy us in this life. Hannah is a remarkable woman, listen to her prayer she says after giving Samuel back to God...
"My heart rejoices in the Lord; my horn is exalted in the Lord.
I smile at my enemies, because I rejoice in Your salvation.
No one is holy like the Lord, for there is none besides You,
Nor is there any rock like our God." (I Samuel 2:1-2)
Now there is a woman of God. A life filled with pain and persecution, who goes to God for help, He blesses her and she still remained faithful and gave her prized possession back to the Lord. Wow...that is commitment and knowing that God really is the only thing that satisfies. And the story gets better, God did not forget her faithfulness and He blessed Hannah with five more children.
Remember that each person recorded in the Bible is a living example to us, not a dusty old cardboard character long dead. There are Hannah's in the world today and there are purposes of God yet unfulfilled. Maybe he has "closed the womb" for a purpose. Maybe he is looking for desperate ones. Maybe he is longing to release another Samuel on the earth. Barrenness may yet produce fruitfulness in any one of our lives. If we are as "ordinary" as Hannah we can partner with God to produce results that are extraordinary for our own times.
-Hannah's Cupboard
Dear God,
Thank you for Hannah and her story of brokenness turned to fulfillment because of You and prayer. I want a child someday, I'm not as desperate as Hannah at this point, but when the time comes when I do start to feel bitterness inside me, I will remember to pray. I know that You search this earth to support those who's heart is completely Yours (II Chronicles 16:9), so when the time comes, please remember me and bless me with a child that I can raise to teach others about this God I know. Lord, I've learned that when I pursue You, that's when I will find contentment. Just like I did when I was in my battle with cancer, I pursued You, God, and was more content than I had ever been in my entire life. So I will do that again, Lord...I will keep pursuing You in prayer and keep finding that You are good no matter the outcome. Amen
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