Wednesday, October 12, 2011

In Tim McGraw's words...Live Like You Were Dying!

Our Hot Air Balloon Ride!
Here's the 4 month update from Cancer Care!
Let's just get to the point, because I have something much better to say! There are no more tumors and the ones that I do have are just a smidgen bigger. My copper level was stable which indicates that there isn't any lymphoma going on, however my white blood cell count that day was 2.1 when the average is 4.5-10.5 (anything above or below is abnormal). He said I may have just had something viral that day. Lots of things can make you have a low count one day, even stress which is not anything foreign to me! I also got an inhaler for my lungs for when I exercise and have shortness of breath (there are days when I get really worked up in the classroom and have been known to tell Dena ‘I need air, I just can’t breathe in here!'). It could also be the fact that my room is the size of a shoebox with 14 people living in it. :) The CT scan also showed that I have a hernia in my diaphragm. We are going to my family doc next Friday just to check it out and my CBC's again too. Over all, no cancer so I am in remission still! Praise God!

But here is what got me more today...I was at the sink at my school and I just stopped as I thought about a conversation Dr.Powell had with an older man that almost brought tears to my eyes. The old man was asking Dr. Powell about his wife with cancer and if she will make it and Doc said he didn't know. Imagine....you are at the doctor's office, no matter how old you are, and the doctor tells you 'I'm sorry, but the cancer has spread to your other organs. We can try to stop the progression, but... ' I'm sure you know what comes next. I thought about what it would be like to know you are going to die. Then I thought, would I be satisfied with how I lived my life? In most aspects yes, but when I think about how I can let my emotions get the best of me, no.
Sometimes I just go back and think about the things I would do over again from my past. I get mad or sad thinking about the things that I can't change, that I haven't been able to open myself up to enjoy the present and the possibilities of the future! I need to accept the life I have today and forgive the past and others, so that I can have the freedom to move forward and pursue happiness. Reflecting is great, but I need to work more on being present, too. So when I saw that Yoga had been DVR'd on my TV (whether it was a Godly intervention or AJ giving me a hint), it was like a sign. I have been looking for a way to keep me less stressed, present, and at peace with my life so that I can die with a smile on my face knowing I lived the very best life I could.
The statement 'Live everyday like it's your last' hit me like bricks today. Forgive your past and start a life of no regrets. You and I both can't change the past, but we can forgive it, let go of the fairly tale dream that was never promised to us, and move forward towards a happiness that we both deserve. It's like my verse I loved in high school so much and found in my bible not long ago...


Philippians 3:13-14
Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

No comments:

Post a Comment