So when I am a pumpkin again, what is my specific purpose in life? I know that for the past 8 months my purpose has been to fight off the cancer cells in my body and do everything I can to remain healthy. But what's next for this pumpkin? There has to be more to life than to just simply indulging in it. What is my purpose to fulfill? I know that we are all given a purpose here on earth by God. And that we do not know what it is automatically when we are born, although I wish we did because it would be much easier and faster to fulfill. But only God knows the purpose. And something I struggled with this year, especially when it was a scary road for Little Miss Miracle Paislyn, was how long we are given here on this earth to fulfill the purpose God intended for us. And really, who are we to say what the purpose is and how long on earth we have to find and fulfill the purpose intended for us? It's God's design, not ours. Some of us only have days on this earth to fulfill the purpose God put us here for, and some of us have 95 years, like Alice Horton. Yes, Days of Our Lives, Alice Horton…otherwise know as Gram. Here is something from my journal I wrote back in June when I thought about purpose.
June 25, 2010
Alice Horton died on Days of our Lives today. I have waited 15 years for this day. Wondering how she would die and how they would portray it on Days. They did a good job. The day finally came. I wondered why I haven’t thought about how I would die for 15 years. Maybe it was because I felt my life wasn’t as significant enough as Grams. She always had the right words, did so many good deeds. Now here I am, 26 with cancer. And for the first time in the one week that I have know I have cancer, I have thought about dying more times than I thought about Alice Horton dying. If I died tomorrow, did I accomplish my mission here on earth? Did I fulfill THIS mission the way it was supposed to? So far, no. Not Like Alice Horton would.
Alice Horton died on Days of our Lives today. I have waited 15 years for this day. Wondering how she would die and how they would portray it on Days. They did a good job. The day finally came. I wondered why I haven’t thought about how I would die for 15 years. Maybe it was because I felt my life wasn’t as significant enough as Grams. She always had the right words, did so many good deeds. Now here I am, 26 with cancer. And for the first time in the one week that I have know I have cancer, I have thought about dying more times than I thought about Alice Horton dying. If I died tomorrow, did I accomplish my mission here on earth? Did I fulfill THIS mission the way it was supposed to? So far, no. Not Like Alice Horton would.
I know that we have been called to do different things. And sometimes we may not understand them. Like me being a teacher. I don’t know why I’m a teacher. I want to be a singer, a nurse, or a marine biologist. But those are not the talents that God gave me. So even though I may not understand why I was given these talents, they are God’s to use for His glory and to fulfill His purpose for me. And who knows, this may not be the only place He wants me. What I really know is that we have one main purpose here on earth. It is to glorify God in all that we do and share His unconditional love with others. So even when I go back to being a pumpkin, I may not know what my purpose at that moment will be, but as long as I keep my focus on God, I'm pretty sure my purpose will become clearer and clearer.
I also think that by using the talents we were given, we can share them and inspire others to find and use their talents too. All of us can be an inspiration. You do not have to be as great as Gram to be an inspiration. There is not a certain quota you have to make that I’m aware of, that makes you an inspiration. If you have made a difference in one persons life, you are an inspiration. All of my thoughts throughout life and in this blog have come from inspiration from somewhere. A book, a movie, people around me, they all gave me some sort of inspiration to a new thought in my head that led to the words in this blog. Like Andrew and our pumpkin conversation...that led me to think, what really is my purpose after all this is over? I am so happy that I allowed myself to be opened up enough to gain new insight into Life. So I may have aged like ten years on the outside and inside my lungs from this treatment process, but my mind is still young and strong! So for my future, I’m still in debate about what my purpose here is. I like Andrew’s idea where we save up enough money to buy a place in the Virgin Islands and then invite our friends to come visit and show them some of God’s most beautiful scenery. How's that for purpose?! :)
Thank you to all who supported Paislyn through the benefit. It was a great success and it showed that people are truly gracious and giving to those who are suffering or are in need. I've learned throughout my own sickness that many times people don't know what to do or say because they just don't want to say the wrong thing. This was a perfect way for people to show how much they care.
The Metzger family and their Little Miss Miracle.
Aunt Alli to Paislyn and I at the Playing for Paislyn Benefit. I have know the Kirkendall family since 6th grade and have been lucky enough to remain friends with this amazing woman.
After reading your blog, I read Psalm 118, and thought of you. “I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done,” Psalm 118:17. What did David do when God spared his life? He didn’t blog, but he did write a psalm. You don’t write a victory psalm like this without a foe and a battle first. Only then can you “look in triumph over my enemies,” (vs. 7) and experience deliverance and “mighty things” from God’s hand (vs.15). There is no story to tell until God has had occasion to intervene. The point is to keep asking for help, keep seeing God’s hand in the victories, and keep telling the stories.
ReplyDeleteDavid didn’t just write one psalm; he had many encounters with our fallen world and many rescues from God’s mighty hand. So will you. That’s life. So, Laura, where do you go from here? Maybe you are already doing it. You may never turn back into a pumpkin, because God may just want you to keep blogging about real life and giving him the credit for being your “refuge” (vs. 8). God’s “love endures forever” (vs. 1), and your world would be blessed to keep hearing your stories.