Wow, I made it. I MADE IT!!! I am D-O-N-E with treatment for cancer people. DONE!!! I have waited so long for this day, and I’m so happy to celebrate this day! I got a beautiful flower arrangement from my husband at work, I love how he wrote "We said 'for better or worse' and we stuck to it"...you have no idea how amazing this man is to me. So amazing that while I was writing this blog, he came in with a surprise M&M smorgasbord! You know I love surprises and M&M's are my fav, so he mixed up a couple different packages of M&M's and its a surprise every time I pick one up! Will it be peanut, dark chocolate, peanut butter, regular, or pretzel ones?! I LOVE IT!! And to top it off, I get a stunning necklace to remember this triumph and my Pursuit so far. Then I see my texts and FB messages...Wow...my eyes are about ready to burst! And we also went to Old Barn Out Back with my parents tonight, making it a full circle…that’s where we went the first night back from Iowa when I told my parents face to face that I had cancer, and that’s where we celebrated tonight making it through all the treatments. I’m not out of the woods yet, still got scans, blood work, and doc appointments before they give me the word I desperately want to hear, but making it this far is DEFINITELY worth celebrating!
Radiation is done! Have I said that yet? ;) My final thoughts on radiation can be summed up in one word…routine. I had to go everyday at 8:30 in the morning and although it wasn’t that big of an inconvenience in my life, it wasn’t a convenience either. Walking in everyday and seeing the same people got routine. How many times can you ask someone how they are doing and have it be genuine when you have seen them 5/7 days of the week? I usually answered with good, because I knew the next question was how are you feeling? That’s when I would say no better, but no worse. It was the same routine everyday…walk in, tell them my date of birth, change into gown, wait for them to set up, take me back, line me up, treatment on chest is done, turn machine upside down, treatment on back is done, put your clothes back on, and your done. The only other time it was different was when I would see the doc on Mondays. That’s when I would spend a few extra minutes in the machine because they would take films and make sure I was still lining up ok and blasting those cancer cells away! And the radiation doc sees so many patients that it was just more of a routine. I’m just glad I’m done!
My biggest recommendation after looking back through radiation treatment would be to take the second half of radiation treatments off work. I’m glad I still did work, because I’m stubborn and really wanted to prove that I could do both. But now looking back, I wish I would have taken the second half off because I drained myself. You all know how I like to be social and not miss a thing, but something needs to go because work, social life, and radiation is draining. Something else I'd say is, don't stop talking about 'it'. This time around with treatment, I acted like nothing was going on and I tried to live life as normal as possible. But I think that was the most draining part about it...telling myself I was ok all the time when really what I needed was more rest and to just be open about how radiation sucked. I just talked openly with my dad last night about how hard it really was, how I felt like I was just a number sometimes, and how I really want to eat normal again (however swallowing seems to be getting better not worse!)...but also how proud I was that I made it through and showed my strength when it's easy to give up. I did good and I know I was strong, but in all honesty, I’m in for a good cry here soon. :)
So as I was leaving radiation today, I heard my Jason Marz song ‘I’m Yours’ and I walked out with a smile on my face. :) And after I went back to my awesome chemo nurses at Cancer Care to get my port flushed (and had a very strange man rub my head), I heard this song from on the radio. I've heard this song a hundred times before, but the words hit home this time.
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb
The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going
And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on
This was definitely a time in my life where I have appreciated the climb. I have grown throughout this experience with treating cancer. I am a different person. I came out of this cancer life more confident in my inner self and outer beauty. I look over the last 7 months and see a girl who was strong enough to get through cancer, but now I see a girl who is strong enough to get through LIFE. Now my Pursuit isn’t over yet, treatment is over, but I have about another month of doctor appointment, blood draws, and scans (they wait a few weeks to do the scans to make sure all the radiation is out of my body )...so I have about another month of my Pursuit blogs left. I promised I wouldn’t stop writing about my journey until I heard the word remission...and I won't. However, I can see the end…and it looks pretty amazing. But you and I both know, Life can change in a moment. So here's a great big celebration hug from me to you, saying THANK YOU for all you've done to help me so far...just a little bit further to go...
P.S. I ran out of shampoo today for the first time in about 9 months. Funny.
Your day has come to strike the bell!
Your silent heart has much to tell
And much to toll this proud new day
Treatments done you’re on your way
-Johns Hopkins hospital radiation floor
Laura, you are a truly an amazing woman!!
ReplyDeleteLaura, after reading your blog in the past months I was thinking about your "pursuit" being more than just after you hear the "R" word. I hope you keep this blog going long after you hear about the end of remission. Maybe I'm selfish because I get to see/hear you every couple of days but I hope you keep it up. I think throughout this journey you have given more to your readers than we have given to you.
ReplyDeleteThank you for opening up about your struggles and reminding me what life is really all about.
Can't wait to read your blog about REMISSION!
Much love and hugs.
M
Laura, congrats, Beautiful! You DID make it, with Jesus' help, like I knew you would. :)
ReplyDeleteWe continue to pray for you and truly believe that God is going to continue to use you, even when you're in REMISSION for 20+ years and these days of chemo and radiation seem so far away.
Love you!
Amber & John Payne
Congrats Laura, I'm so happy for you . You have been amazingly strong during your cancer journey and have enriched the lives of all of us who have followed your blog. God is lucky to have you. You are one of his Angels on earth. Patsy
ReplyDeleteLaura,
ReplyDeleteI do hope you will keep inspiring us with your mature insights into life, faith, family and work. It has meant so much to me to learn from you each day you post. However, I will understand if you want to give this up for awhile so you can spread wide your arms and enjoy other things that are on your Bucket List. Congratulations!
CONGRATULATIONS!! I am soo happy for you!! Although I'm sad the blogs are coming to an end. Thanks for letting us into your journey! Love and Prayers, Kelly P.S. Re: the bucket list: are you sure you have NEVER went skinny dipping?:)
ReplyDeleteYAY, LAURA!!!! YOU DID IT!!!! love the M & Ms and the necklace! Andrew is a real keeper!
ReplyDeleteYou have worked so hard through all of this...learning every lesson and taking the high road every step of the way. We have all learned so much from you. You have been so courageous and kind to share with all of us. I was witness to your keen observations and insights long before this cancer thing came along. I'm so happy that the remission declaration is just around the corner and I'm also glad you will get to take a break from the responsibility of this pursuit and really relax and rest. I look forward to reading your written works in "hard copy" form and can't wait to ask you to autograph your first book! Love you....