Wednesday, December 8, 2010

The Road to Radiation...All Packed Up, Ready To GO!

My Christmas song of the day: 5 days of Christmas...
5 weeks of treatment, 4 tattoos, 3 silly nurses, 2 Ct scans, and a very tired Lady ready to watch Sing Off! Just adding some humor :)


I woke up this morning in an oddly upbeat mood. I jammed to Taylor Swift’s Speak Now CD as I got my hoodie and make up on (Yes! I used mascara for the first time in months! I only have a couple right now, but they were magnified today!) and on the way to St. Rita’s, I was totally zoned out to my 2006 jam, Saving Jane CD. I had to psyche myself up for starting this whole treatment thing over again. And I was doing awesome, then we turned the corner and I saw the big words on the building…St. Rita’s Regional Cancer Center. I have drove by this place so many times, never taking a second look at it. This time, I just couldn’t believe that I was about to go in there, to be a patient. Going in there means you have cancer. I have cancer. It just caught me of guard because I have been out of the cancer world for a month now, but I still have cancer. Wow.

So this is the place where I will spend the next month and a half getting myself better. Here, at the Allison Radiation Oncology Center is where I will receive radiation treatment for lymphoma. Radiation works by using a machine to direct high-energy X-rays at the cancer. The machine looks just like a CT scan machine. The beam will go directly through the skin to the cancer and surrounding area to destroy the tumor and any nearby cancer cells. This beam will destroy the DNA of the cancer cells so that they do not know how to reproduce and multiply anymore, but also they destroy the surrounding healthy cells too. Radiation will be given to me 5 times a week, for approximately five weeks. I can’t start yet because with radiation there is a lot of treatment planning with computers and software so that they can control the size and shape of the beam and how it is directed at the body (that’s why you get the mold and tattoos too), so that it can treat the tumor while sparing as much of the surrounding normal tissue as possible. Today was the day that I got the mold made (I laid down on a bean bag pillow naked from the waist up...but still had my ugg boots on again!...with my arms over my head, and they sucked out the air from the pillow, leaving it hard and in the shape of my body. I felt skinny when I got up and saw the mold!) Then, they did more computer configuration and it took awhile, but they had Christmas music playing so I sang and was entertaining myself :) Then it was time for the tattoos. They use these to line me up exactly right in the machine so that the beam hits the tumor and nowhere else. I have 4 small dots in the middle of my chest, on my stomach, and on both sides of me. I also got to see a nurse I knew there and I’m so glad she will be one of the nurses helping me through this. Yeah! I go back next Thursday after all the computer configuration is figured out for a trial run. They want to make sure everything is perfect before we actually start with the radiation. I said 'All this must be expensive...can't I just stand in front of a microwave??' Guess that's not how it works :) I was still doing good until we went over side effects. There are always side effects, aren't there?

So radiation has side effects and I catch myself thinking 'why am I doing this?' Oh yeah, because I do not want this disease anymore, ever. And by doing this, my chances of getting cancer again greatly decreases. The major side effect from the radiation beam that will be entering through my chest is that my skin will be red and irritated. It will look like a sun burn for a little while, but lotions should help that. Because the radiation goes through my chest, it can irritate the esophagus and cause shortness of breath and swallowing problems. If this starts, I’m back to drinking Ensure to make sure I’m getting the calories I need. But I will be back to normal foods a few weeks after radiation is done once the esophagus heals. I also have to watch out for pneumonia this year because with the radiation on my chest near my lungs, I am more susceptible to that illness. We also have to watch out that the radiation beam doesn’t damage the muscles around my heart; because the beam is hitting the tumor in the mediastinum (which is right where the heart is). Fatigue is something you just can't get around, so plenty of rest and exercise is needed. And of course pulmonary fibrosis, scarring of the lungs which mean more shortness of breath. Oh and don’t forget the secondary cancers I could get…lung cancer, breast cancer, and the no guarantee that this lymphoma is not coming back. What am I doing?!

Radiation. Wow, you can totally get carried away with cancer if you don’t have the reigns. I mean, I could have walked out of the library with 15 books on cancer if I wanted too. They ranged in everything from 100 questions about Lymphoma, cancer etiquette books, self help books for hearing the diagnosis -to during the treatment-to after treatment, even books on sex and fertility during and after cancer. Ok, cancer at that point is overwhelming! It can really control every aspect of your life. If you let it. It is great to educate yourself, I’d be disappointed if someone out there who was diagnosed didn’t educate themselves. However, there is a point where you have to let go and let God. Whatever happens will happen, so don't worry about the unknown nows. And share. Share your story because the more people share the story the less frightening cancer becomes somehow. And if someone has the ability to add humor to cancer in a cancer etiquette type of way…then more power to them! I give props to the book Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips by Kris Carr. I started reading this book half way through treatment and she made cancer real and uncensored for girls my age. She made me laugh and gave me great tips and inspiration, like how to get my cowboy boots back out and dream again, and to take time for me in the day, and to spell cancer with a lower case c. But it was God, God who led me to take the reigns on this time in my life and not let it take me down. To have the faith again to Live and dream. And I am such a dreamer now :)

3 comments:

  1. R-REALLY, LORD?
    A-ABLE TO DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST
    D-DONE IN A FEW SHORT WEEKS
    I-I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST
    A-ATTACK THOSE cANCER CELLS, PLEASE
    T-TIME TO REST AND HEAL
    I-I WILL NOT WORRY BUT TRUST IN CHRIST
    O-OVER IN A FEW SHORT DAYS
    N-NOW IS THE TIME FOR THE CANCER TO BE GONE.

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  2. Laura-I know I have told you this before, but you are an amazing young lady. Your ability to find optimism and keep your faith in God at the forefront of all makes you such a powerful woman. I am sure there has been times during this battle where you didn't feel to optimistic, but your trust in HIM seems to lead you back. I am happy to hear that all the steps are being put in place for your radiation. Like mentioned above it is only a short time, but will all be worth it!!!!! You know that-you have said so yourself. You need to take the next few weeks and pamper yourself, put Laura first. Keep yourself healthy and enjoy your family over the holidays. You can do this!!!! You are an Optimist! I am in the Shawnee Optimist Club. I have copied our creed, which I love to read everyday, especially on those days I am not feel ing so optimistic.

    The Optimist Creed

    Promise Yourself
    To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

    To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.

    To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.

    To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

    To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.

    To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

    To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

    To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.

    To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

    To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.


    Enjoy! Have a great weekend.
    Natalie

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  3. To lindab1951, what a great idea to spell out radiation in such an uplifting, make it work way!!! Awesome.

    To Laura...prayers continue daily. I think they have to tell you absolutely every side effect, don't they? I'm adding in my prayers of healing that you do not have to experience all the radiation side effects. Take care and rest. Love you loads, Laura :-)

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