The Road to Radiation…Got the Map out, we hit the road on Monday

I had the radiation practice round today. Everything is looking good and we are set to go on Monday to start my first treatment. Today I laid down in the actual radiation machine and instead of giving me radiation, they took x-rays to make sure I am lined up exactly right….we were right on, with just a little glitch. Ever seen Independence Day? Under this machine, this thing above me opened up, just like the alien ship did as it was about to blast the green beam down and blow the building up...and I was sure they were going to zap me! :) I mean the noise and everything as it opened to reveal the insides of the machine made me think of that movie! This radiation business takes a crap load of computer work and configuration and I am too tired now a days to figure it all out. I'm glad they are doing it so they don't mess up, but I'm just ready to start!

We wrap up the Polar Express unit on Monday at school by watching the movie and wearing our PJ's to school. It should be a good time.:) I’m tired, have I said that yet? But I can’t be because this weekend we have two more Christmas parties so I have to get geared up. I’m at the point now in my Pursuit that life is getting back to ‘normal’, and I am starting to see what my life coming up will be like again. I look at life differently now, maybe I just laugh more and don’t get so mad at the small stuff. I have times though, just like everyone does when I feel like I’m ‘dry’ in Life. Does that make sense? We all have those moments where we aren’t really absorbing anything, just dusting by life. But then Andrew came in and reminded me to keep balanced. That you need to exercise your body, mind, and spirit everyday. He’s doing a great job of it lately and it inspires me. He can inspire me, and he has no idea he does. We are not a perfect couple, but I love him, unconditionally. Both of our lives are changing, and I'm so glad we are together to witness it.

So I exercised my mind and spirit and read this verse, once again at just the right time, because one of my closest, dearest friends called me and asked me to pray for her little boy as they went down to Dayton Children's to find out if he had cancer or not. Humble yourselves…under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:6-7 By not getting to far away from my source of strength to pull me back in and lean on Him during this awful time, I was led to get on my knees and pray for my heavenly sister’s little boy. I prayed that I would know what to say to her and that we have understanding, no matter what the news was that we would hear. I prayed that I would be a source of strength and information because I had just gone through this process and could be a great tool to her. No one should have to go through cancer, the questions, the pains, the fear, the time...especially a little boy. I just prayed, every moment I thought about him, I prayed. Thankfully, they found out he does not have cancer, but a virus. When she called and told me the news, I cried good happy tears for the first time in years. Like sobbing, happy cry. For the first time, I was GLAD I had cancer because I was there to help her and bond with her in one of the darkest times of her families life. If we weren’t tied together from 20 years of friendship before, we are sure tied together now because of this experience. She told me she truly understands how I feel now and looks at my situation totally differently...sometimes you just can't understand someones situation until you are truly in there shoes. I think cancer is one of those situations. Cancer this time showed me what true friendship is...love ya Ash, you are my 3rd sis.

This week I learned to put my full trust in God again. I learned that if I pray and ask for what I need, truly need, and pray for it in full faith with a body ready to be used, He will answer those prayers, and surly He did. It was in His timing, both specific prayers I prayed this week. But I really feel because I have prayed and waited, and not interfered with what was happening by handling the situation in the way I would have typically handled it (without prayer), He answered my very personal prayers. That made me trust that I could put my faith and hope back in Him to get me through My Road to Radiation and the road my life will now lead me on. I'm not starting to feel so 'dry' anymore...so let this trip get started, I’m ready again to learn more lessons. :)