Dear Readers,

We participants in the front lines of the "Cancer Wars" are just ordinary men and women drafted without our consent into this service. We need not be victims. We can turn this experience to ultimate good in service to others. The choice is ours.
Gerald W. White, P.E.

It seems like I don’t know where to start. It was almost easier for me to write when I had cancer in my body. It just came so naturally, maybe it was the chemo drugs talking. :) I think I will try that approach again…minus the drugs…but just writing from my heart…

Flat out, the past eight months have been the most insightful period of my entire life. Once I read back though my blogs, I saw that I wrote more when I had new insight to share than any other time. I realized that I could have bored you everyday with my daily drama besides cancer…but if you wanted that, you could of just watched a soap opera. And at times I probably did bore you or get on your nerves. But you put up with my mood swings and you never discouraged me. So thank you :) Most of the time, my insight was about God and how He can be apart of your life to make it a better time spent on earth. It’s not easy to talk about God in daily conversations, but when you hear that you have cancer and you aren’t sure how much time you have left, you’d be amazed with the instant perspective you get and how easy it becomes to share God’s grace.

This Pursuit wasn’t a diary, journal, self help book, testimony, novel, or fiction…it was me. I let you in to one of the scariest times in my life, and by doing so…it became the most positive thing I have ever experienced. I never thought this blog would become my guide to living Life. Something to give my children someday. I am so glad I documented my feelings, my joys and fears, my Pursuit. Its been an amazing ride of emotions. But I wouldn’t have expected anything else from cancer. Everyone who has cancer I’m pretty sure experiences the same feelings…but this was my experience with cancer, in my words (of course inspired by people along the way and thoughts from other readings). I didn’t always have the answers to my questions, and I didn’t always have new insights. I’m not even sure if I ever wrote the ‘right’ words in here. But what's most important is that I wrote this for me...and ironically...it became for you too. Sometimes I was just in the moment and I would learn the lesson later. But this blog, it was something special, it was more in so many ways than I ever thought it would ever be.

So if you can bare with me one last time, I have some last words of advice…
1) Practice forgiving people and yourself more often. Sometimes we are too proud to admit our mistakes, but practice forgiveness and move on with life! Do you know how freeing it is to not hold grudges, and move on with a clean slate again?
2) Start seeing the blessings in your life. Too often we focus on the negatives. I saw that I went to God a lot for help, but rarely thanked Him for my blessings. From now on, I want to focus on things I’m thankful for, like not living in a city so I can experience the sounds of crickets and see the stars, having a job that lets me enjoy my family, and my few true friends that no matter how bad I screw up- they won’t ever leave, and my deep connection to my family-even those who aren’t blood, and carbs…God bless my noodles and mashed potatoes, the experience of the most beautiful place in the world -St. Johns …and the water. Thank you for the peace of water that is my second home… even if it is just in a bathtub awaiting the hot summer days by the water.
3) Be an organ donor, what are you going to do with them after you die anyway? Imagine being able to give the gift of sight to someone, or the gift of breathing in deeply again. You can change a life forever.
4) Give back. This world has given you so much, it’s time to give back. The world of cancer I was introduced to in June of 2010 shook me back to reality. But now, its time for me to give back for the medicine that saved my life. Relay for Life is how I’m doing it. If you do not have an organization you donate to, please-eat in one night and donate that $20.00 bucks to finding a cure that may save you, your child, your best friend, or your love. We’ll be starting in April with the raffle, but if you want to donate now click on this link http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR?pg=team&fr_id=31613&team_id=886914 Thanks.
and 5) Surround yourself with positive people who never let you give in. Cancer could have been very scary, but my peeps wouldn’t let it be. The only way I got through needles shoved in ports, blood draws, painful bone marrow procedures, trips to the hospital, watching bags of drugs drip through my veins, lack of deep breaths, trips to CVS for meds, burned skin, losing my hair, extreme fatigue, and nausea…was by God’s mercy, your prayers, and my NEVER GIVE IN attitude. But the enormous support from you was what cured me, from the inside out.

But one special person out there needs a special thanks. It's the one thing I haven’t talked about much, he was the person behind the scenes…Andrew. Having cancer within the first year of marriage is cruel. But Andrew took it like a champ. I know it wasn’t easy for him. He was put on the back burner more than anyone ever should be and never said a word when I would get cards in the mail and he got bills, or when I got flowers and he got to go get me more meds, or when I got visitors and he had to work, or when I would spend time writing a blog, he waited patiently for his wife. You see, for 8 months, he unselfishly shared me with you. For a newlywed, it was hard for him to look at me when I was sick and pale with no hair and thin, because he would be reminded of the cancer war in my body that he could not control and get mad because there was nothing he could do. But he never let me know this. He loved me enough to put his anger aside for my benefit and never let me know exactly how much cancer bothered him. I know without a doubt that my attitude towards cancer would have been different if I didn’t have him as a supporter in my life. He never let me see his side to the cancer story until after this was over, and by doing so, he gave me every advantage of beating this thing. In eight months, he never gave me a thing to worry about. So thank you Andrew, for once again putting me before yourself…the whole time I had cancer. You are the MVP in this ball game, love. I love you for sticking with me and you better love me back for sticking with you…it hasn’t all been gravy :)

And to you, you all know who you are, no words or actions can thank you enough for supporting me along my battle with cancer. Know that you will be rewarded in heaven for your prayers and acts of kindness. My heart pours out with love for you and I will forever work towards paying it forward in your honor. I thank you for coming with me on this Pursuit and reading about this part of my life. The changes I went through from a sick girl, to a strong a confident woman. This wont be the last time life takes a turn. The last time I learn. This Pursuit has taught me that things aren’t always going to go my way. And I better have something there to keep me stable or I’m going to go off the deep end. I choose God to be my rock when I'm on the edge again. Tomorrow is my last doctor’s appointment for a couple months and my last Pursuit blog…check back tomorrow to see what I’ve been pursuing this whole time. Thank you my friends :)