Thursday, September 30, 2010

Where my Cowboy Boots take me...

Smiling again... I just got home from doing a few things at my school. I told Andrew I would be there for an hour…ended up being there for three…oh, the life of a teacher. :) However, after tonight, I think I’m ready to not think about school for awhile. I thought that last week was mentally exhausting after going through everything I did with the rash, lump, and chemo. But this week has been worse in a way. It’s nothing that has to do with me or cancer, it’s the pain I am feeling for so many of my friends who are going through different kinds of pain in their own lives right now. I’m the kind of person who would rather feel the pain rather than anyone else feel the pain. I have friends who are hurting so badly because of different situations right now and I want to just take it all away. Make them feel better. How come we just never know what to say? You never know what to do to make the situation better. In reality, most of the time you can’t make the situation better, but you can show your support to let them know you care. Most of all, we can pray. We serve a God that parted the Red Sea, we can certainly believe that He can heal the sick, take our grief away with time, and simply give us the gift to TRUST in Him. That’s what we can do. You all are doing that for me while I am sick, so I’m trying to do that for others during their time of suffering. You all have taught me some great etiquette on helping someone while their down, so I just hope I can keep paying it forward…mostly through prayer because that’s something we all can do. I used to own a shirt that said Pray Hard. So my friends, please know that this week I have prayed hard for you. And I am doing so much better at listening to God, so I’m spending more time in prayer because it has become some what easier to pray.

So this morning, I woke up to Andrew bringing me coffee, a doughnut, and a card from his work that the entire B shift signed. I’m brought to tears on what a simple card can do for someone. With all the emotions from the past few weeks, I just needed to take a mental health break and start fresh again. I was told once 'How do you expect a change if you don't do anything different?' So I took that advice and did just that. I needed out of my funk mood and to breath in some fresh crisp air so that I can go into chemo with a clear mind and positive attitude tomorrow. So Andrew and I went horse back riding today. So relaxing to ride a horse and be out in the woods. I even wore my cowboy boots just like Kris Carr in the book Crazy Sexy Cancer...I’ll never live on a ranch with horses, so I can put on my boots and dream right? ;) I needed that time out in the country to clear my head, get myself together, and leave any sadness in the woods so that I can be a supporter to my friends in need. I also needed to get my mind off of this next treatment. I remember when I went 3 chemo rounds in a row last time, and it was not fun. I had some kind of negative symptom going on everyday for awhile after the third. So as I pray for my upcoming treatment, I also pray for my friends who are needing God’s comfort and understanding also. Crying when you need to cry is something I have finally come to do. It’s ok to cry and let your guard down. No one expects you to keep it together all the time. This blog has certainly shown that :) But those are the ups and downs in life that we all learn from and those experiences are what make us a unique person. Sometimes things happen to us, that way we can help others when the time comes to make their struggle just a little bit easier somehow.


I also lean on this song by Point of Grace and catch myself singing it all the time...

Trust, trust in the Lord
Lean not on your own understanding.
In all, all of your ways acknowledge Him,
He’ll make the path straight.

1 comment:

  1. Keep that smile going today. Thinking about you during your treatment. Positive thoughts abound.
    Love,
    -M

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