Chemo #6...

I love chemo but I really hate it too! Yesterday, I had my sixth treatment. The good news is that I was able to have treatment! For the first time in a long time I went in with NO symptoms of anything. The doc and nurses were thrilled! I guess the time away from school really is helping me stay more healthy. The only thing was that my red blood cell count was low again. I really got to eat more beef! Thanks sis for dropping off Road House :) I was also a little concerned because I really thought my tumors would be smaller by now. I mean, being half the size as they were are great, but I remember him telling me that by like the second treatment, they should almost be gone. So I asked him what happens if the tumors are still there after chemo. He said the next move is radiation until those things are completely, 100% zapped away. He won't leave any hanging in there :)

So as I sat there during my treatments, hearing the familiar beeps of the machines, I looked around and for the first time, I saw another girl my age there. I wasn't able to talk to her, just give her a smile, but she was in and out in like 20 minutes. Others filtered in too, some with pic lines, coming in just to get another bag of IVs. Some where there when I got there and still there when I left. All of different ages, races, some with hair, some with no hair, but we all had one thing in common. We all have cancer, fighting the same internal battle. When we sit there, it's not a comparison game. It doesn't matter what stage you're in, what kind of cancer you have, or how close to death you've come. It doesn't make the word cancer any more or less real. Because when you hear the word, you think the same thoughts, go through the same emotions. We all sit in those chairs and can honestly say that 'I have been in your shoes'. You instantly have a connection, even if it's just a smile to a girl your age to let her know...you're not alone. I'm not alone :)

So how do I feel today? Crappy. Yesterday I was more nauseated than I have ever felt and of course Andrew was working. I slept the whole day away, only to answer the door for some Fritos and supper. Cooper was a trooper as he slept all day with me. Who knows where Kota is these days...she keeps her distance from Cooper. Makes me sad she doesn't come around me anymore. She's about ready to go back to her original home with my parents. At least there I know she will get constant attention. My dad and I love her just the same. This morning I woke up to get my shot at the hospital and met another cancer friend there. We met when my coworker gave her my blog site and she reached out to me through email. It's so nice to have somebody to 'talk the language with' and understand when chemo brain starts attacking and you can't finish your sentences :) I want to wish her all the best of luck with her upcoming journey. Stay Well Julie!! And thank you! Then the rest of the day I was back on the couch. I'm exhausted and it hurts to breath. I know the drugs are doing their job but it stings more today than usual in my chest. Just not a good weekend by far.
I can totally relate to this lady now when she said...
'During chemo, you're more tired than you've ever been. It's like a cloud passing over the sun, and suddenly you're out. You don't know how you'll answer the door when your groceries are delivered. But you also find that you're stronger than you've ever been. You're clear. Previously, it has taken you weeks, months, or years to discover the meaning of an experience. Now it's instantaneous.
-Melissa Bank

Chemo took it's toll on me this past weekend, but I knew it would. Thing is, my mind is still strong. On the good days, you really can find meaning sooner than before. It's so weird! And although chemo got me down physically, I was still able to answer the door...Remember how my treatments got pushed back and everything I had planned for my good weeks are now on my bad weeks? Well, little Miss Hayden's first birthday party was today and I missed it. I hate chemo. But then the door bell rang and there at the front door was her mommy Ash with cupcakes from the party. I have the best friends. Happy Birthday pretty girl! I will see you soon when you can open your present and we can play together :)