My 'mini' Oprah experiance...

I was watching Oprah today, and of course it was ANOTHER Oprah’s favorite things show. This is the show where she gives away her favorite things to the people in the audience. Well, as I was sitting at home on my couch, not in the audience :), I of course was thinking about how awesome it would be to be there in Chicago…but not for the gifts actually. I would have liked the point of just being surprised as much, if not more, than the gifts! I love surprises (my dad is the best at this!). I really want to be surprised like that sometime in my life...doesn't have to be a car, coming home to a clean house would be just as great (hint hint hubby ;) And actually, I kinda got a surprise today! I was watching Oprah give away the glitter Ugg boots and what literally comes to my door within MINUTES?! The mailman with a pair of Ugg boots just for me! It was an Oprah miracle! ;) Now, this was actually my Christmas present so of course I was already expecting it, but just not at that moment like the Oprah audience! So for just a second, I felt like I was there getting my Ugg boots with the rest of the audience and I smiled, in my living room all by myself :) If I never get to be in the Oprah audience one day, I at least have this memory! Oprah at the end said that although it is great to receive all these gifts, it’s really all about Hope. Just knowing that something joyful and magical can happen to you when you least expect it. Hang on to hope people…and if my cancer can be cured, I don’t need Oprah to witness something joyful or magical. :)

So as we all know the ‘big day’ is coming soon. I want to believe with everything in me that the cancer in my body is gone. That the chemotherapy treatment did the job intended. However, I know how my body feels. There is still some discomfort going on. The reality you guys is that ‘it’ could still be there. I’m not going to be mad or upset if I hear that news because I have prepared myself to hear that radiation is in my future. It’s not something I want, but who really does want radiation? So this week to prepare myself, I am praying Psalm 112:6-8 (I changed the he’s to I in this so that I can make it my own personal prayer this week as I head in for my ‘big news’ on Wednesday morning) - ‘Surely I will never be shaken; a righteous woman will be remembered forever. I will have no fear of bad news; my heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD. My heart is secure, I will have no fear; in the end I will look in triumph on my disease.’
I’m not living in fear anymore; I am however living with curiosity about the possibility of other side effects from my treatments. Hey! Did you know that my ‘chemo brain’ is an actual side effect? Its short term memory loss…I totally had that while I had chemo! So weird that people out there actually called it 'chemo brain' too. Anyways, along with my wondering mind about infertility and my lung function, I’m also curious (not fearful, because I know my future is laid out already for a reason, I just need to find it) because my GI track will not make up it’s mind and I have this ‘burning’ in the middle of my chest. I’m not sure if it is the lungs or the stomach, or both at this point. Needless to say, I am so ready to hear my results and make a plan to get me healthy again! I know I’m jumping the gun, but all I want for Christmas is my health back…whatever that is these days :) In the mean time, it is a time to be thankful and I should be giving thanks instead of whining about my curious brain. Please know, I am thankful. For so much, even ‘dirty chemo drugs’ that are making me healthy again so that I can give many more thanks in the future. Tomorrow I am going to see the kids at school for their Thanksgiving Day feast really quick, and then I get to have a massage with my momma. Man am I thankful for her too right now :)