Hope...

Hope: the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that

events will turn out for the best

'Hope…Lord, my hope is in You.' This was given to me on a decoration by my oldest sister Julie :) It pretty much sums up where hope should be. I'm learning that through having cancer, I can save myself a lot of time and just put my hope in God right away in any situation. Lance Armstrong also said something about hope, ‘If children have the ability to ignore all odds and percentages, then maybe we can all learn from them. When you think about it, what other choice is there but to hope? We have two options, medically and emotionally: give up, or Fight Like Hell.'
Well, I already made my decision to fight when I heard the news about my cancer the first time. And my hope was in God to grant me wisdom and understanding for my past, present, and my future. When I look back a few days ago, I was leaning on hope to get me through my first week back on the job. I didn't have any other choice I thought, but to hope it went well. I was unsure of how my body would react to a new element of stress again, long hours (because believe it or not, teacher’s are still working when they go to bed and can’t turn off their brain), and the high energy needed to do my job, while having cancer. I was hoping I would just be able to get through the first two weeks without many problems, but my nerves were in high gear wondering how I would ever pull it off the day after chemo.
But then, God had a plan for me that I wasn't expecting. A bigger one than I could even comprehend at the moment actually. My hope I had was bigger than I thought He could hear. I never lost sight of Him during this time of uncertainty, knowing He still had the ultimate control. And then it happened. The cold I got in my eyes made us back up chemo for one week. My hope was restored and I’m now thrilled I will have the energy for my first week of school, thrilled! Yesterday, I was able to get through a day full of meetings AND go to the fair one last time (oh man, I got a picture coming of something that is SO FUNNY! Gotta keep up the laughter...it's the best medicine!) I mean, I felt good yesterday, and even today! Finally things with my body seem to be back on track, and it is great. It's like God had this plan for the viral infection in my eyes so that chemo would be cancelled and I would have the mental and physical strength needed for work this upcoming week. I wanted to start so bad on the first day...not only have I been able to start on the first day, but I get to start feeling really good :) Hope came through.
However, God also taught me an even more valuable lesson through it all, which I think was the real purpose of the infection (I'm sure He didn't give me an infection for kicks and giggles ;). Although I am so happy to feel good my first week back to school, He taught me just how easily it is for me to catch something when my immune system is so compromised. Sometimes I feel invincible, and it takes something visual for me to comprehend it. Swollen shut eyes was a pretty good visual :) Andrew had a cold, but it never developed into anything serious, thank God. But I got his cold in my eyes, even when being careful around him. This showed me that I have to be even more careful…which leaves my working situation even more up in the air than I thought. Although my heart and soul would love to be there every single day with my little kids at school, it is time that I put me first in my life.
So since I have chemo every other week, I am only going to teach every other week until my treatment is done. So I will now have chemo on Fridays (Sept. 3 is next), get my shot of Neulasta at the hospital on Saturdays, and rest until I go back to work that next Friday. It will be crazy trying to do all this healing with lesson plans and the million other things at work going on right now, but I have to do this for me. I have to put my hope once again back in God that He will take care of me, my sub, and my kids…and you too Dena! :) And just get us through this time. There is no point in standing still, we need to keep moving. We all just need to keep on moving forward with our lives and not hold on to the past. Some good advise I just read was to stop asking the ‘Why me?’ question and move on to the ‘What’s next?’ question. So lets all do this together. No matter what the situation is in your life, stop asking why me, and start asking what’s next. We will make so much more progress in our journey of Life! Please keep praying that I will not be stubborn and will make the right decisions in my life to keep me healthy and moving forward. My Pursuit is not over yet...I feel I have so much more to learn and put to use before this could ever be done. But for today, hope is key. Anything is possible with hope.

P.S. I just canned my first jar of spaghetti sauce today...let's hope this new adventure I've taken on won't make us sick in the future :)