Friday, October 29, 2010

Some of Gods greatest gifts...are Unanswered Prayers

Hey guys. I’m writing today feeling extremely tired with achy bones, but thankful I'm not nauseated like yesterday. I got to see my cancer nurses today when I went in for my second shot. They make me laugh and it’s awesome. They really are a God-send to the cancer world over there on Market Street. I like to surround myself with people who make me laugh…life is way more positive when you do that! I loved my friend Ash’s comment one time on FB, she said ‘I’m making some changes in my life, and if you don’t hear from me, you are one of those changes.’ I loved it! That’s why she’s a part of my life cause she makes me laugh. Anyway, shot number two is better than shot number one, I slept for 5 hours this afternoon. I’m starting to realize that your body really does need time to repair itself, even if you are healthy, and it’s vital to get enough sleep so that the repairs can take place. So guys, try to get sleep at night, you will get sick if you don’t treat your body right. And maybe I did too much last week. I realize now that just because I feel good doesn’t mean I am good. I need to step out of my box and look at the total picture instead of just the day to day one. So Andrew stepped up again and drilled me on getting enough rest, drinking even more water, and taking my pills no matter how I feel. Here he is putting my pills back in my pill container like I’m an old woman (he can be so good, he got my medication from CVS today and cooked dinner without me even asking…he can be so great!)

Having cancer can be a total life change. But for me, I really wanted to spell my cancer with a lower case c. Because having it spelled with an upper case seems like I’m giving it more power than it deserves. I want power over this, but if I don’t listen to the doctors, I won’t be healed the way I need to be. My friend Alaina (who has been through the health ringer this last month) and I came to that realization when we tried to bounce back more quickly than our bodies planned. We both want fuller lives than what we are living right now, but it is going to take more rest and repair to do so. Not just physically, but mentally. I’m so glad I prepared myself through prayer to hear any news the day I went in thinking it was my last chemo treatment. I'm not sure what my reaction would have been if I wasn't prepared to hear anything the doctor said. Truthfully, I was mad at first because I thought God did not answer my prayer. But in all honesty, He did. I did have understanding, but what about healing? God already knows the wants and needs of our hearts. Even though I prayed for healing, God knew what I truly needed yesterday. I believe he answered the prayer of my heart, not my words. Because he knew that my true desire is to truly know Him more, not be healed. He is going to give us just enough to keep a close relationship to him. My 'just enough' was delayed treatment so that I would go to Him looking for the ‘Why?’ answers. I would spend more time searching for answers and consequently go back to Him, therefor having an even deeper and meaningful relationship with God. He knew that I would learn more and lean more on Him throughout this next week then maybe any week in the past throughout this Pursuit. He’s got it together you guys and He knows what He’s doing. I have to be mindful of that and remember to Never Give In. So I will keep fighting the fight, not just the cancer fight, but the fight for true meaning in this life. Tonight I thank God for unanswered prayers. Like Garth Brooks says, 'just because He doesn't answer, doesn't mean He's not there. Cause some of God's greatest gifts, are unanswered prayers.' I didn't get what I verbally asked for from God, I got more :)

2 comments:

  1. haha. well obviously your not one of my changes right! lol love you laura loo..we have been laughing for years and here is to many more!-ash

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  2. Laura, I just wanted you to know I am thinking of you and Andrew and continue to pray for you both! You guys are an amazing couple! Thanks for the blogs... I just love keeping up on how you are doing. Love, Kelly

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