So I slept ALL day yesterday after chemo #7. I realized that I sleep because 1) I am exhausted and 2) because I don’t want to feel the nausea so I sleep through it :) So the doc came in yesterday after the nurse accessed the port (put the needle tube thingy in the port under my skin to get the IV's hooked up) and did her blood draws for testing and said that I am most likely anemic. My red blood cell count isn’t where it should be and it has been this way for awhile now. Nothing to worry about, just something else to watch out for. And my white blood cell count came back higher than usual soooo…I didn’t have to have the Neulasta shot!! I think it’s a good thing. Hopefully it means that my white blood cells are producing the way they should on their own to fight off infections. My only worry is that they will be low again after chemo this round and I won’t have what is needed to fight off present infections since chemo killed all my white blood cells. Also, I did not get my Bleomycin IV chemo drug this round. Remember the chest pain I was having? Well, my lungs have developed a lung sensitivity to the Bleo medicine (which the Bleo has been known to effect the lungs) so he took me off that IV drug to save my lungs some. I just need to let him know if I’m still having pain. Other than that, I’m doing just fine! Augh…cue deep breath :)
So this week seems to be better than the following couple of weeks. My friends are all out of the hospitals and doing much better (not out of the water yet, but doing better), the funerals are over, and I’m feeling better than before. I know that all of our situations are different in our own lives, so I am not comparing them at all, however, aren't we all suffering somehow in our own lives? It doesn't have to be some serious diagnosis like cancer, but anything. Because suffering was so vividly evident a couple weeks ago for me, I caught myself wondering about suffering and what it's purpose is. So I looked back on a sermon from church about suffering. Would you believe it if I said that suffering is a gift? I know, weird and totally off right? But a lot of things can be revealed while we suffer...especially God. And experiencing God is definitely a gift. I still didn’t understand why God would allow suffering though? I mean, why would He let good people die, allow people to get diseases, to have hard marriages, money troubles, addictions, anything? I came to understand that God did not create suffering, sin, sorrow, or death. God created choice and the ability to use it in these kinds of circumstances. So then the question became 'what do we do with suffering?' since we do have choice. I mean since it is there and unavoidable. Here’s the answer...use the choice God gave you and allow Him in to transform you and the world around you. If we have it His way, we can really experience God in life changing events and the suffering we were experiencing can change us and even those around us. It is said that God will be revealed during our sufferings. We need to understand that in our weaknesses and sufferings, God is going to be revealed. He certanly was in mine! All we need to do is just open our eyes to see Him. A transformation can happen in us during our times of suffering if we allow God to do His job. We just need to be open to it and look at suffering differently than as a depression state of mind. It can change us and look like this...
Romans 5:3-5 ‘Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy spirit, whom He has given us’
We have hope in our sufferings and we build so much character and perseverance because of it. Allow this as an opportunity to change. God is there, always has been always will be, even in our down times of life. Maybe even more so because it says right there, in our sufferings is when He will be revealed. And we all need a little God in our lives right? :) Otherwise, what the heck are we here for and how would I get my answers on how to live in this thing called Life? So I think what I got from this is that we just need to focus not on the 'suffering' part of our current situation, but the 'allowing God’s presence' part in the situation to change us and our thinking. Then we can be ready for the mounds of opportunities that will come because we have allowed Him to use us during that time...
So here is my farewell tonight...
Good sufferings one and all! :) Learn from it, allow God in, and let it change you for the better!!
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