Time to saddle up...and finally enjoy the ride.

First and foremost...I’m a little nervous about my priorities in life…I get just as nervous with Ohio State Football as I do sitting in the doctor’s office for my oncology appointments! Is something off there or is that normal when you live in the state of Ohio?
Today is a beautiful October day and although I am not using this gorgeous day to its full advantages, I’m still content cause I can't do everything. There, I have learned a life lesson…Being content when not everything is going the way I want it to go. My husband would be so happy to know I just said this :) As for my health, I have to say that not having the Neulasta shot has helped with overall feeling comfortable because I don’t have any jaw pain or back pain like normal. But my chest is still a little tight, I told Andrew it feels like someone is squeezing my throat and lungs all the time. Have you ever ran before in the cold and it burns when you breath? That's what it feels like all the time right now. Grrr...chemo!! Wait, I'm supposed to be content...;) So I am at home relaxing in my comfy clothes and just feeling comfortable. And I'm ok, I’m content with that today.

So this whole Pursuit has been one crazy road trip and I thank you for riding shot gun!! I want to give you a present and I wish it would be that through this Pursuit I have found the key to everyday happiness and would gladly share it with you and unlock your door too. I mean, who doesn't want to be happy the majority of the time? But the reality is, is that even though I have cancer, I am still a regular person with regular emotions just like everyone else. I still have bad days, they didn’t magically disappear when I got the diagnosis. I still have days when I wish I had hair and I still get mad at my husband for not putting the trash lid down. However, I am learning. I'm learning how to live content everyday. But everyone in life is learning, and you don't need to have cancer to do that. :)
I will never stop learning how to live this life better, more content, even when bad things happen. Right now, I’m catching myself searching for even more meaning to life than what I have discovered lately. However, I’m starting to worry that if cancer hasn’t shown me the meaning to life yet, then what is it going to take?! ;) Unlike the books and movies say, cancer didn’t open up this one huge eye awakening/life changing experience for me and BAM! I'm a whole new, better person. You see, what I've learned is that the meaning of life has been there all along, inside of me, even before cancer...and it's in all of us. You don't have to have cancer to find it. It is our own life experiences and everything we have learned from our teachers, friends, parents, pastors, and LIFE in general. It's all that advice that we just blow right off thinking we can do it on our own understanding. Cancer didn’t give me life’s answers to happiness, what it did do was shake me up enough to start using the life lessons I’ve learned and start putting them to a practical, more meaningful use! Like practicing patience when my husband leaves the trash lid up, I've seen more good come out of me being patient than lashing out irrationally. (Love you AJ). I have been happier by living a more content life...man, our parents were right when they gave us all those lectures!! Right now, my goal is to live the life I have heard about for years and years through so many people and enjoy the ride of Life instead of worrying about it. It can happen. Start following some of the advice you were given and see where it takes you!

P.S. I'm pretty sure the meaning to life has something to do with God. I keep coming back to Him when I'm searching...And I'm at amazing peace with that.