Finding the Unknown Strength

It’s Saturday and I slept in! Oh, it felt so good to sleep because I was so achy from the Neulasta shot yesterday (the one that will help my bone marrow make more white blood cells). But life still needs to go on and it was time to look for a new car! My lease on my awesome Ford Fusion is up the first week of September and I only have 300 miles left before I’m over my limit. So it was time, we saved up the money, and we are on the search to BUY a car! Andrew read Dave Ramsey’s book called Total Money Makeover a couple years ago, got our finances in order, and now because of that, we will not have to make a car payment in the next few years! That makes me SO relieved knowing we can save that money again!! However, we were unsuccessful today as the car we were looking at was being test drove as we were on our way down to drive it ourselves. The lady ended up buying it, so maybe that was meant to be ‘her car’. So we are still on the search…let us know if you hear of anything good out there! The day was not a complete waste though…we ate at J. Alexander’s in Columbus, what a treat!
Well, the jaw pain has returned, it must be a side effect from the Neulasta shot the nurses said, because I don’t have the white spots in my mouth to be thrush. I just need to keep up on meds and ice it, and it feels better. I'm not as tired this round as I was last round and I am THANKFUL!! Plus, I got some beautiful flowers from a very special little friend of mine which totally brightened up my day :) Thank you! I’m doing so-so with my hair loss. I’m pretty sure at the rate it is going, it will be gone by the end of the week next week. However, I have a busy week ahead so hopefully it will take my mind off of it. We are having a garage sale this Thursday and Friday at my sister's house on University Blvd in Lima, visiting my in-laws and friends in Indiana on Saturday (yeah, we are eating sushi!!), and this Tuesday we are going to Van-Del to see a Drive-In movie! Excited to still have some of my summer left to enjoy spending time with friends and family before work consumes me again :)
As for my emotional state of health…I’m an up and down roller coaster it feels like. This round of chemo has made me way more emotional than last round. I feel like I could lash out, cry, and die laughing, all in three minutes :) I asked the 'why me?' question to Andrew and he said 'Why anyone who has cancer? Why do the Cleveland Browns have to stink at football? Why did LaBron move to Miami? The worlds just not fair.' He makes me laugh :) But seriously, on the way home, I was telling Andrew that up to this point, I have been positive and optimistic. But for some reason the last two days have been a lot harder to gather the strength to be positive. I think about how much easier it would be to go with the human instinct and lay on the couch all day feeling sorry for myself because of what I’ve been dealt. I don’t like my hair falling out, like by the handfuls, I really don’t. But what good would that really do to sit and mope about it? I'm learning first hand that through the really hard times in life is when I find it that much harder to gather the strength and be strong, but it’s that way for anyone in any circumstance. As humans, it is just easier to take the easy way out. However, it takes a fighter to stand back up on her feet and say, 'I will not let this get me down. Nope, not today, try again tomorrow.' See, I can say this because I know I have a God where the word cancer doesn’t scare Him. And knowing this, I am at ease again. He will take care of me. We have an unbelievable amount of strength in us people. The only tough part is reaching down, grabbing it, and using it during the hard times. But it's there, and I will grab it. Because that’s a true warrior. How could you be called a fighter when you crumble during the hard days…that’s not a fighter to me. And I AM A FIGHTER! So I WILL NOT let this part of cancer get me down, I will not be brought down by my trials, I will learn from them and rise up to be an even stronger woman than I ever thought I could be! OK, phew…I think I just needed to give myself a little pep talk. :) I’m feeling better…STRONGER! Because I am strong, I just need to stay focused on the prize at the end of all this. What it is, I do not know yet…but this is what this Pursuit is all about right?? :) You all still amaze me and are an inspiration. Thank you, simply, thank you.

I love this verse...It has been my 'life verse' since high school and I really just need to focus on this NOW. This pretty much sums up me, and what it is all about to me. :)
Philipians 3:13-14 'Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.'